MR. AND MRS. MOTHER BRAIN
Episode #3
Based on Castlevania, Kid Icarus

"In a desperate effort to bring harmony to Videoland, Princess Lana has invited Mother Brain to the Palace of Power to sign a treaty of peace."

Now that doesn’t sound like the brightest idea. Mother Brain’s been trying to conquer Videoland for the last seven years. Then again, Lana hasn’t been ruling Videoland very long. Maybe she’s just still naïve. Way naïve. Regardless, Lana has invited Mother Brain to the Palace of Power to sign a treaty. I guess it could be worse. She could have wanted to sign the treaty on Metroid.

The N-Team seems rather eager. Simon flirts with Lana a bit and pulls out the treaty, the pen, and some inkwells. He juggles the inkwells for a brief minute until they land on his head.

Dr. Wily, Eggplant Wizard, and King Hippo are carrying Mother Brain to the palace. I kinda feel sorry for the doc here. Mother Brain is behind a curtain looking at herself in the mirror (which breaks). She says that the only peace she’ll accept is a piece of Videoland. A big piece. See? What did I tell you? The treaty is a bad idea.

In another room, Kid Icarus is target practicing. Megaman asks him why he’s doing that. They’re supposed to be at peace. Kid Icarus says he’s getting ready in case it’s a trap. (Glad to see somebody with some sense.) Simon walks into the room and combs his hair while admiring himself in the mirror. Kid Icarus accidentally shoots an arrow right into his hair. Simon gets mad. After Kid Icarus apologizes and says he just can’t seem to hit the bull’s-eye today, Simon take Kid’s bow and pulls an arrow out of his quiver. He says "Here, let me show you how a skilled archer does it." Kid Icarus stops him yelling out that Simon has grabbed his “Love at First Sight Arrow”. Whoever you shoot with that will fall in love with the first person they see. Makes ya wonder if Kid Icarus has been moonlighting as Cupid.

Simon then gets the idea to shoot Princess Lana with it so she’ll fall in love with him and takes off with the arrow.

A group of trumpeters play for Mother Brain as the N-Team goes to meet her. Simon ducks behind some curtains. When Mother Brain’s servants lower her, Eggplant Wizard announces her saying “all those present will bow to her magnificence, Mother Brain.” Then he pulls the curtains open. Even for her, this is rather egotistical.

Simon fires the arrow at Lana and misses. It ricochets a few times and ends up hitting him in the butt. He jumps out of his hiding place in pain and sees Mother Brain as soon as he opens his eyes. Instantly, Simon goes gaga over her.

Mother Brain orders then orders her minions to attack. A switch is flipped on her transport, raising several rather large guns. She begins firing. Simon completely ignores all of this and walks up to her. She’s totally confused by Simon’s behavior. Mother B. orders King Hippo and Eggplant Wizard to get him. The try tackling him, but he jumps right over them and continues to approach Mother Brain. She yells to at him to get away from her. Simon then declares he loves her and kisses her tentacle. Nice line from Mother Brain: “You can’t fool my super brain. Nobody loves me.” Simon insists that he’s telling the truth. Mother Brain continues to think it’s a trick. Simon says that he can’t stand not being close to her. King Hippo and Eggplant Wizard grab Simon and Mother Brain tells him he’ll be close by all right. He’s going to get thrown into a prison cell. Eggplant Wizard opens a warp back to Metroid and they all escape with Simon in tow. Lana cries out “What about the Peace treaty?” Duke tries to stop them by grabbing Eggplant Wizard’s cape but it rips.

Kid Icarus then explains what happened. He also adds that if he doesn’t shoot Simon with an antidote arrow soon, Simon’s love will become permanent. Now here’s the kicker, Kid Icarus doesn’t have an antidote arrow. The only place to get one is from the old arrow maker that lives at the top of Mt. Icarus. If that wasn’t bad enough, Kevin adds that it’s nearly impossible to get to the top. Lana sends Megaman and Kid Icarus to get the arrow and she’s going to go to Metroid to find Simon. She tells Kevin that he doesn’t have to go if he doesn’t want to. I can’t help but wonder what she thought he might want to do while everyone else is busy.

"Hey, it's either that or go back home and clean up my room." Kevin says. Duke whimpers at the thought.

In Metroid, Simon is chained up in Mother Brain’s lair. He continues to go on about how much he loves her. She, on the other hand, is obviously bored and continues believing it’s a trick. King Hippo apparently agrees saying “Aw, this is a trick, Mother Brain. Nobody could possibly love you. You’re too ugly.” Mother Brain then picks him up and slams him into the ceiling before dropping him to the ground. Dr. Wily gives Mother Brain an idea. She tells Simon to prove his love for her by helping her capture Castlevania.

Kevin and Lana look at a map on the view screen. Kevin points out the most reliable warp to Metroid. Just then the view screen changes. A man in lederhosen comes up and tells them that Castlevania is under attack by Mother Brain and that she‘s imprisoning the townspeople. Lana makes the decision that saving Castlevania is more important. Simon will have to take care of himself for a while. Lana and Kevin run to the warp zone to Castlevania. Duke is a bit hesitant to go, so Kevin pulls him though.

They exit the warp zone and find themselves in The Count’s castle. It’s obvious that Kevin hasn’t been here before and is a bit creeped out by the place. A large spider starts to lower itself onto Kevin, but disappears when Kevin moves. Then they see the townspeople locked away in prison cells. Kevin draws his Zapper to free the prisoners but before he can do anything, The Count appears.

Kevin tries to stand up to him saying, "Your powers don't scare us!" It doesn’t phase The Count at all. He just says, "I'm so happy to hear that. You know, fear makes the blood taste terrible."

The Count then turns into the ugliest bat anyone has ever seen. It swoops at Kevin, grabs his Zapper and drops it into the nearest warp. Simon then comes swinging down on his whip.
He whips The Count and goes to Lana. Then he picks her and drops her into the warp that he calls “the warp zone to the Forest of Forgetfulness.”

Simon then introduces Kevin to Mr. Bones, a skeleton wearing the coolest rapper clothes the 80s could offer. Mr. Bones shoots blue fire from his mouth. Kevin uses his Power Pad to dodge. Then he tells Duke to fetch the Bone. Duke runs over and pulls off a leg bone, causing Mr. Bones to collapse and fade away laving nothing but his cap behind.

Simon plays with the cap for a few seconds then gets ticked. He wraps his whip around Kevin and pulls him into the warp zone. Duke, who was tugging on the whip trying to get Kevin loose, is pulled along.

The door opens and Mother Brain comes out. She’s heard the whole thing. Simon calls her "you luscious lump of gray matter" and this time, Mother Brain really is convinced that Simon loves her. Simon then says that he wants to marry her. Mother brain gets excited and tells Wily, Eggplant Wizard, and King Hippo to go prepare for the wedding.

The song, White Wedding, starts playing. King Hippo is looking at the wedding cake. He takes a hunk out of it and chows down but is scared off when he sees bride/groom cake toppers that look like Mother Brain and Simon. Meanwhile, Frankenstein’s monster is showing off some wedding rings to the happy couple. Next Simon is having some Zombies model tuxedos for him and for Mother Brain’s approval. Only in Castlevania, folks.

Cut to the Forrest of Forgetfulness. Kevin and Lana (not to mention Duke) are searching for a way out when they stumble upon a large cliff. Kevin says that he’s played Castlevania before, but he doesn’t remember this canyon. Then he adds he doesn’t remember where they’re going anyway. Lana says that they have to get out of the Forrest of… she can’t remember. Then she asks if he’s seen Kevin. Kevin replies that he IS Kevin, at least, he thinks he is. He asks Duke, but Duke doesn’t seem sure either. Kevin says that he thinks there’s an invisible bridge around here somewhere, but he’s not sure where. Eventually they find the bridge and start their treacherous walk over the huge drop off.

Meanwhile on Mt. Icarus, Megaman and Kid Icarus are fighting some odd looking monsters. Eventually they reach the hut of Particus the arrow maker. Particus is working on a pepperoni pizza arrow. Now that would come in handy! Kid Icarus explains what’s going on.

Particus then starts shooting arrows to find the one he needs. Leave it the wacky inventor to not label his stuff. He first fires a super grass grow arrow, which makes the grass grow. Then he fires a cow arrow, which turns into a cow. Then he fires another arrow that swirls around the room a few times before hitting the cow and making it mad. The mad cow chases Particus out of the room. Particus doubles back, and locks the cow outside. He explains that particular arrow was his angry arrow and it’s the antidote. He gives Kid Icarus three angry arrows. Megaman then says they have to hurry. There’s not much time left. Personally, I think Kid Icarus should have gotten a few cow arrows too. You never know when you could use an arrow that turns into a cow. If nothing else, he could drop it on people, Earthworm Jim style.

Back in Castlevania, Mother Brain is getting made up for the ceremony. Eggplant Wizard is trying to lower a gown down on her but only succeeding in slapstick comedy that I won’t go into involving him, King Hippo, and Dr. Wily.

Cutting away to Simon again, we hear the song White Wedding again. Simon has got on a blue-green suit and The Count helps him get his white cape on. Simon then describes what life will be like with Mother Brain. Mother Brain and Simon will be living in the country raising a family of cute little baby brains “and when they grow up, they’ll all be doctors. Better yet, brain surgeons,” okay, the imagined scene we see a bit freaky and disturbing. That love arrow is powerful stuff. I wonder if a trip to the forest of forgetfulness would fix things?

Kevin, Duke, and Lana continue across the bridge when Kevin makes a mistake and falls. Lana tries to reach him and falls herself. Duke grabs onto Lana and is able to hold her for a brief second before he falls too.

As they’re falling, Kevin pushes pause. He’s stopped them right near a warp zone and gets the idea that if he presses left as soon as the pause ends, he’ll save them. He does and they warp to a cemetery. I’m betting there are a lot of those in castellanies. Their memories are back and they rush to the castle.

Now we get to see the wedding ceremony. Even if the bride weren’t a huge brain in a jar this would be a bit creepy. The bridesmaids are all skeletons in dresses, the piano plays by itself, The Count is acting minister, and perhaps most disturbing of all King Hippo’s tux is ripping apart at the seams. Simon blows Mother Brain a kiss and she actually blushes.

Lana, Kevin, and Duke bust into the ceremony just as The Count has decided to skip the part about putting the ring on Mother Brain. Kevin tells them that Simon is under the influence of a spell. Simon denies it. Mother Brain orders Hippo to stop them. Duke rips part of King Hippo’s new suit and the ceremony continues.

Then Megaman bursts though the wall with Kid Icarus. Kid Icarus fires an angry arrow but misses. It hits Wily instead. Wily gets mad at Eggplant Wizard and hits him with a freeze ray. Duke has bitten onto King Hippo’s glove now and Hippo is waving him around. Kevin blasts the chandelier above them and it falls on Hippo, trapping him.

Kid Icarus fires again. This time he hits Simon. Simon gets mad at Eggplant Wizard, who’s still froze. Kid Icarus then shoots his last anger arrow at Simon, right as Simon is about to kiss Mother Brain.

Simon says how disgusting she is and Mother Brain orders The Count to destroy him. The Count makes his scariest face (and when you’re an old vampire, that’s saying something). Simon isn’t scared. He takes off his cape and tux, revealing his normal clothes underneath. He quickly folds the suit and pulls out his whip. He wraps the whip around The Count and then spins him like a top. The Count crashes into an open coffin, which then closes shut and falls face down on the floor.

Kevin then zaps the ground of the chapel. It begins to slightly rise and break apart. All the ghost guests begin to float into the air and then disappear. Mother Brain and her minions run away. Mother Brain honestly sounds upset too and not in the “you’ve foiled my plans” kind of way. Poor MB. Nobody loves her. She escapes into a red warp zone.

Simon then walks over to the rest of the team, saying that he saved Castlevania again. Lana then asks him if he really loved Mother Brain. I think she’s just trying to get a rise out of him. Simon says, "Don't be ridiculous. There's only one person I could ever really love." Lana blushes a little. Then he finishes saying, "Me." Simon pulls out his mirror and kisses his reflection. He admires himself in the mirror for a little bit and the episode ends.

Not the best of episodes, but I do always enjoy seeing The Count. Also, gotta love that cow arrow.

Featuring:
Kevin Keene/Captain N
Princess Lana
Simon Belmont
Kid Icarus
Megaman
Duke
Particus
Mother Brain
Dr. Wily
The Count
King Hippo
Eggplant Wizard
Mr. Bones
Frankenstein’s monster (cameo)