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Video Olympics
Episode # 4
Based on: Kid Icarus and about
a dozen or so Olympics games, Donkey Kong, Megaman, Punch-Out
The narrator opens by telling us, "On the dark and dangerous
world of Metroid, the evil Mother Brain is about to discover a
sinister secret." We’ll get to that. Right now, Mother Brain is
ranting that she needs more power. Eggplant Wizard offers her his
flashlight batteries. Now that’s stupid even for him. He fully
deserves it when she shocks him senseless. She says she wants the
power to rule Videoland and destroy Captain N and Lana. Mother Brain
consults her “Metroid Mirror”, which is basically a magic mirror.
The mirror tells her, "Hidden within Mount Icarus' towering peak,
the Three Sacred Treasures contain the power you seek. For
ten-thousand years, they've been sight unseen, but bring the
Treasures together, and you'll soon be Queen." She even shows a map
of Mt. Icarus with flashing lights telling where the treasures are
located. Basically, we’re dealing with another “all power artifact(s).”
I’m sure just about every world on Videoland has two or three of
them. It’s also worth mentioning that the theme to King Koopa’s Castle
from Super Mario Bros. is playing in the background this whole time.
Now when I hear that, I think King Koopa, not Mother Brain. It just
seems out of place here.
Back to the story, Mother Brain orders Dr. Wily to get her the
princess.
Meanwhile at the Palace of Power (I always feel like the
narrator whenever I type that), Kevin is going though a life-sized
copy of the Donkey Kong game. He’s climbing ladders and jumping
barrels and all that. When he gets to the top, Donkey Kong falls and
Lana is released from her cage.
"Wow! A life-sized Donkey Kong simulator! What a concept!" Kevin
exclaims. This, I’ve always thought, was a neat idea that I wished
they had done more with. I’d like to see more life size simulators.
Suddenly, Mother Brain’s face appears on the view screen in the
room. Lana is annoyed and says that threatening g them won’t work.
Mother Brain puts on a nice-guy act and offers them a challenge.
They’ll hold a Video Olympics on Mt. Icarus. Her team vs. the
N-Team. If she wins, she’ll be the new princess of Videoland. If the
N-Team wins they’ll never leave Metroid again. Lana is a bit
hesitant and thinks it may be a trap but the others talk her into
taking the chance. Kevin says that if it is a trap, what better way
to find out than to go along with it. Now THAT is gamer logic. Try
it, see what happens, and trust your skills to get you out of any
trouble. Not the brightest of logic, but it really fits for somebody
called a Game Master.
It’s also worth noting that until Mother Brain calls them this,
they never used the name N-Team. Or maybe they used it off screen.
Doesn’t matter. What matters is that this is the first time we hear
them called that.
Mother Brain ends the transmission saying that she’ll meet them
tomorrow in the Mt. Icarus Coliseum for the tournament and their
funerals. Well, so much for playing nice. Kevin says that with a bit
of training, they’ll be unbeatable.
We cut to a scene in the Palace’s courtyard. The team has
switched from their normal outfits to workout clothes. Kevin’s got a
sweat suit on. Simon’s wearing a similar sweat suit with spandex
tights on and short shorts on over top them. He’s also still wearing
his backpack. Megaman and Kid Icarus are wearing suits just like
Kevin. Lana is wearing a midriff cutoff tank top, extremely short
shorts and her jewelry.
Kevin and Lana begin jumping rope. Simon, always wanting to prove
he’s the better man, pulls out his whip and begins jumping rope with
that. He’s actually doing some rather impressive tricks. You just
know at this point, that it’s going to end badly. It does, his whip
goes out of control and ends up tying him up. Lana gets a good laugh
out of it.
Mega Man is standing next to some shot-puts and we get the most
Beavis-snicker worthy line in the entire series. "What am I supposed
to do with these balls, Captain N?" (Take a moment to snicker and
we’ll move on.) Kevin picks up one of the balls (stop snickering
now) and tosses it a short distance, explaining that that’s what
it’s for. Megaman picks up a ball and throws it as far as he can,
ripping right though a target Kid Icarus was practicing with.
Duke is even getting into the act himself. He’s bouncing on a
trampoline. Kevin and Lana aren’t even sure if dogs re allowed to
compete. Dogs aren’t but highly advanced robots are? Seems a bit
unfair to me.
Kid Icarus flies over to Lana and tells her that she can count on
them to win the archery competition. He shoots an arrow and we hear
Simon crying out in pain. Simon walks over to them with an arrow
sticking out of his butt. He asks Kid Icarus what he was aiming a.
When Kid Icarus tells him he was aiming at the target, Simon ask if
that looks like a target to him, and sticks his butt out. Lana is
obviously getting a kick out of the whole thing. Kid Icarus pulls it
out and for his revenge; Simon grabs Kid Icarus, and uses his own
bow to shoot him head first into a target.
Kid Icarus gets mad and flies right by Simon. Simon neatly and
calmly ducks, sending Kid Icarus crashing into Megaman. Megaman is
knocked backwards into the pile of shot-puts and sends them rolling
and knocking down the rest of the team.
The next scene takes place in Punch-Out. The world looks like a
run down slum. We go into a gym, where we see cameos that just
might be Glass Joe and Kraid. They’re not important to the plot,
though. There’s also somebody shadow boxing who gets knocked out by
his shadow.
Eggplant Wizard is jumping rope with a huge french fry. After
he’s done, he puts ketchup on it, eats it, and makes another. The
Count is punching the punching bag, which he says he loves, but he
loves biting it even more, so he does that. Hey, since this is
Punch-Out, maybe this is where Tyson picked it up! Also, The Count
should not be wearing shorts with those legs of his. King Hippo
(who’s actually wearing a shirt right now) is lifting weights. Well,
actually he’s lifting up the walls in the building. Same difference,
unless you’re one of the aliens that gets exposed when he picks up
the locker room wall. Mother Brain doesn’t expect them to win by playing
fair. She expects them to cheat. Eggplant Wizard asks her why
they’re cheating if Mother Brain is just going to use the treasures
to destroy the N-Team anyway. She says winning the competition will
improve her image.
The baddies then go off to practice their cheating. This is one
of the only times we’ll get to see King Hippo taking off either of
his boxing gloves. He fills one of them with metal and calls it his
famous “Wrecking ball punch” Eggplant Wizard then practices his
“broccoli bazooka” and ends up hitting Hippo with it.
Hippo gets mad and storms over to Eggplant Wizard. Eggy is
sweating vegetables and yells out, "No! Wait! It was an accident!"
to which Hippo replies, "Oh, I'll give you an accident on purpose!"
King Hippo then throws Eggplant Wizard into the boxing ring. Wily
goes over and rings the bell. In the ring, Eggplant Wizard actually
fights back. He says he’ll squash him and beat him and turns him
into a squash then a beet. Then he says he’ll get him into an
artichoke-hold and turns him into an artichoke. King Hippo’s arms
and legs come out of the artichoke and he stomps the ground causing
it to shake. Eggy goes flying and Hippo snaps his wand, turning him
back to normal. King Hippo then says he’ll give him the "Flyin'
Hippo Eggplant JamSlam." Eggplant Wizard cries out “oh no! Not the
Flying Hippo Eggplant JamSlam,” which makes me think that this
isn’t the first time he’s had that done on him. Hippo lands hard
down on Eggplant Wizard and see goop flying off and hitting The
Count, Wily and a few others. Ewww. He splatted Eggplant Wizard.
Back at the Palace, Simon, Kid Icarus and Megaman are arguing
who’ll be on the cereal box when they win the games. They even have
a cereal box with a hole cut out so that they can stick their face
though and show each other. They put too much effort into this.
Unless of course, Simon just happened to have a cereal box with a
hole cut in it somewhere in his backpack. Knowing him, it’s a
possibility. If you’re wondering, the cereal is called “Flakes.“ Not
Corn Flakes or Video Flakes or Sugar Flakes or anything special,
just plain old ordinary Flakes. 
Lana finally interrupts their arguing and tells them that they’ll
never win if they don’t get into shape. Kevin decides to take
charge. Kevin orders everybody to do 100 push-ups and “I Feel Good”
starts playing. Next are jumping jacks. For some reason, Simon is
crossing his legs when he does these and ends up stumbling and knocking
Megaman and and Kid Icarus down. Next is running, Megaman, Simon,
and Kid Icarus (who’s flying anyway) duck out of the run and stop to
catch their breath. Duke is also running with them. We cut to Kevin
drinking a glass for of raw eggs, much to everybody’ else’s disgust.
The team then goes to rope climbing. Simon uses his whip. After
that, the entire team arm-wrestles Megaman at once and loses
pitifully. Then it’s back to push-ups. Now they’ve gotten into
better shape and are doing them at a rapid pace with only one arm. Back
to jumping rope (oh by the way, Kid Icarus isn’t jumping, he’s just
flying and moving the rope. I guess if nothing else, his wings are
strong). The scene ends with the N-Team running up the steps like on
Rocky.
Only in Videoland could you get in shape that fast.
The next day at Mt. Icarus, thousands have gathered to watch the
event. There’s even a brief shot of what looks like a Koopa Troopa.
Granted, it could just be a short turtle that stands upright and has
a red shell, but I say it’s a Koopa Troopa. It’s just more fun
thinking that.
Kevin tells his team to be on the lookout for anything
suspicious, and the others agree. They basically expect a trap by
this point. They’re not stupid. Over with the bad guys, Mother Brain
tells them that the competitions are being held in the locations
where the three sacred treasures are hidden. After she gets them
all, she’s going to destroy Captain N.
The first event is Greco Tag team wrestling. Kid Icarus, Kevin,
King Hippo, and Eggplant Wizard go to the ring. Once they’re inside,
the ring raises into the air and a pit of lava is opened under it.
Kid Icarus is worried about being too small to wrestle. He’s afraid
King Hippo will sit on him. Kevin tells him they picked the names
out of a hat so he’ll have to do the best he can. Then the announcer
says there’s a mistake. King Hippo gets out of the ring. Instead of
King Hippo, Donkey Kong will be wrestling. Oh boy. The guy barely
even fits in the ring. Simon gets a laugh out of this and it almost
looks like Lana is ready to smack him.
Kevin says to Kid, "You take care of Eggplant Wizard. I'll handle
Donkey Kong. Yeah, sure I will." Kid Icarus is barely able to handle
Eggplant Wizard (Eggy isn’t even doing anything,) and once he
finally does, Eggplant Wizard just reaches over and tags Donkey
Kong. DK picks up Kid Icarus, beats his chest for a while, and then
pins Kid Icarus with one finger. Kid Icarus fires an arrow that hits
Kevin and it counts as the tag. Kevin tells Donkey Kong to “pick on
somebody his own size” We cut to Lana going “oh no” and back to DK.
The big ape sits on them. Donkey Kong gets the win. When he leaves,
we see a butt shaped hole in the ring that Kevin and Kid climb out
of.
Mother Brain sends King Hippo to get the first sacred treasure.
Kevin goes back over to his team in defeat. Lana says, "That's not
fair. Donkey Kong weighs more than you." to which Kevin replies, Are
you kidding? He weighs more than the Chicago Bears."
Next event is Megaman vs. Dr. Wily in the 400-yard dash, through the electric maze. It’s not really much of a dash. Mostly
they’ll be climbing though “the electric maze” which looks just like
Elecman’s stage.
Megaman is off to a good start and looks like he’ll
win until Wily stops and pulls a blader out of his pocket. The
blader zaps Megaman, causing him to fall and then blow up like he
does on the games. Wily makes it to the finish line and wins.
Megaman then rematerializes right before the team. He apologizes,
but Lana says it wasn’t his fault. Mother Brain’s team is cheating.
For some reason, Mother Brain now has a lot of creamy white stuff
on her. She yells to Eggplant Wizard to get it off and he starts
licking (!) it off. I’ve tried, but even with the loosest amount of
logic I can muster, I can’t figure out what this scene has to do
with anything.
Beneath the surface of Mt. Icarus, King Hippo searches for the
first sacred treasure. He’s first attacked by what he calls “flying
rats.” He waves them away and goes over to a bag. When he opens
it a snake laughs at him. The second bag he tries, a hand comes out
and starts choking him. He ends up landing on a panel on the floor
that raises a treasure chest. Now that’s luck right there. He picks
up the chest and a warp zone opens.
The narrator tells us that, "Back at the towering Mount Icarus,
the Videolympics Coliseum arrives at the location of the next
event." Cool. Moving coliseum. Nice touch. They arrive at a
waterfall that seems to come from nowhere and ends in a lake that’s
floating in the air. Gotta love selective gravity. The next event
will be King Hippo and Princess Lana competing in a waterfall
High-Dive.
A platform raises Kevin, Lana and Duke up to the top. Lana is now
wearing a swimsuit, as well. King Hippo reports back to Mother Brain
with the treasure and still being pestered by the “flying rats.” She
yells at him to get out there before he’s disqualified.
Lana says that she’s nervous about diving down the floating
waterfall. Kevin comments that there’s something familiar about the
places these competitions are being held. Then the announcer chimes
in. The competitions will be judged on a combination of their grace
and difficulty (?), and, of course, avoiding the flying sharks that
live in the waterfalls. Now Lana is really worried. Kevin says he
didn’t want to worry her. Just to show her that it’s okay, Duke
dives down. He does a cannonball and gets scores of 6.9, 7.0, 6.9,
7.5, and 6.0.
Hippo finally makes it to the top and whines. "Hey! Aw, no fair!
Dogs don't count!" Kevin replies with, "Yeah, but hippos do, huh?"
Lana then interrupts and tells Hippo to go first, “Blubber before
beauty." Hippo starts to do a belly flop, but is freaked out when a
shark snaps at him. He does all sorts of crazy moves to dodge it and
ends up with scores of 9.5, 9.0, 9.5, 9.0, and 9.9.
Mother Brain then tells Eggplant Wizard to get the second
treasure. He says "Yes, Your Wrinkled-ness." and Mother Brain zaps
him. She says never say the word wrinkles around her. She has
“beauty lines.”
Lana dives and then gets perfect 10s. Simon and Megaman cheer.
Simon actually picks Megaman up, but when he notices how he’s acting
he switches over to “um, not bad, not bad." Mother Brain says she
could have done better and she doesn’t even have a body.
The platform lowers, allowing Lana to climb out of the lake. Once
she’s out, it lowers to the ground. Eggplant Wizard shows up in the
lake and dives down to the bottom with a snorkel. He fins to the chest,
grabs it, and is chased out by a huge orange octopus.
“I feel Good” starts playing again. We see a few more events.
Simon and The Count are skiing. The Count turns into a bat and then
extends his legs down and pushes Simon into the snow. King Hippo is
lifting an insane amount of weights; when we pan down to see Megaman
lifting Hippo. Eggplant Wizard does a pole vault.
The score is now tied and the final event is the rocket chariot
race. Kevin’s still trying to figure out what Mother Brain is after.
He knows he’s played something like this before, but he can’t
remember what. Lana tells him not to worry about it. There’s six
racers lined up in various rocket chariots: Kevin, Simon, Kid Icarus,
King Hippo, Eggplant Wizard, and ol’ Doc Wily. Hippo takes an early lead. As they fly over water, Wily converts
his craft into a submarine and torpedoes Kid Icarus. Then Wily
drives right into a gong. Eggplant Wizard turns Simon's chariot into
a giant banana, taking him out of the race too. Eggplant Wizard then
drives right into a tree. This leaves just King Hippo and Captain N.
Kevin pushes a button on his power pad to activate a “super speed
kick” it doesn’t help out as much as he expects though, because King
Hippo reaches over and smashes Kevin’s chariot with one blow.
As Kevin falls, he grabs a small board with wheels and part of
the jet engine saying “I hope this works” and effectively makes
himself a hoverboard. (Yes. Back to the Future part 2 did come out
around this time. Why do you ask?) They go neck and neck for the
race, but right before the finish line, King Hippo dives into a
warp.
The announcer exclaims, "Captain N has done it! The N Team has
defeated Mother Brain!" Good for them. Then King Hippo returns with
the third Sacred Treasure and gives it to Mother Brain. NOW Kevin
remembers what she was after. A bit late on that one, huh, Kev?
Mother Brain charges up with the power and zaps the N-Team. The
ground shakes and a chasm opens under their feet. Mother Brain
laughs as she sends them tumbling into “the warp zone to oblivion”
The episode ends with the narrator speaking. "Has Mother Brain
really conquered Videoland? Will Captain N and the others survive
the deadly warp zone? Find out...in the next chilling adventure
of...Captain N: The Game Master."
Over all, really nice episode. This episode just seemed fun and
rather straight forward and to the point.
Featuring
Kevin Keene/Captain N
Princess Lana
Simon
Belmont
Megaman
Kid Icarus
Duke
Mother Brain
Dr.
Wily
The Count
Eggplant Wizard
King Hippo
Donkey
Kong
Kraid (?) (cameo)
Glass Joe (cameo)
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