I wish I was a Wombatman
Episode 24
Based on: Batman … sort of.

This episode starts with Kid Icarus watching Wombatman on TV. It’s obvious right away that he’s a fan. He’s wearing a Wombatman costume and is mimicking the moves he sees on TV. After trying the famous Wombat Roll, he crashes into Simon who’s entering the room with a bowl of popcorn and some other food. Simon just can’t seem to carry around a bowl of popcorn in this series without somebody crashing into him. The rest of the N-Team comes running when they hear the commotion.

Simon mocks the show, but then the screen goes nuts and we get a technical difficulties message. When it comes back on, the robot on the show is attacking the TV crew. Kid Icarus says that they need to go there to help, so the N-Team goes running and warps to Studioworld in their Warp Wagon. They get out and run to confront the thing when Wombatman swings into action. He’s a bit less impressive than expected, however. He takes a punch from the giant robot, goes flying though the air and lands in a shower of sparks before he blows up. Kid Icarus panics but Lana tells him that it’s not the real Wombatman; it’s just a robot duplicate. Kid Icarus is shocked by the fact that Wombatman doesn’t do his own stunts.

Kevin gets Gameboy to scan the robot to find its control point. Kid Icarus fires a buzz saw arrow to cut though the robot’s hide, and Kevin shoots his Zapper into it causing it to blow up and drop the car that the weird squid-like TV director was hiding in. The director takes one look at the N-Team and says that’s the most heroic thing he’s ever seen. Then he asks them if they want to be in pictures. Kid Icarus only wants to meet the real Wombatman, but Simon pushes Kid out of the way, saying that he’d like to talk contracts. A weird squid-like girl, apparently the same species as the director, runs to hug Simon. Simon is a tad disgusted by having a woman with tentacles hug him.

The N-Team goes to meet Wombatman. He signs an autograph for Kid Icarus and tells him he hasn’t done his own stunts in years. He leaves all that to the robots. Wombatman is relaxed at his home and wearing a robe, but he’s still wearing his mask. The butler walks up with a Wombatman costume and he drops the robe to put it on. The dropped robe shows us how badly out of shape he’s gotten. Now all these revelations really upset Kid Icarus, who’s been trying to learn the Wombat Roll himself.

Wombatman says that if Kid Icarus takes a speech class, puts lifts in his boots, and looses the -icus problem, he’ll put in a good word for him at the studio. I’ll admit it’s not much, but I love how Wombatman comments on his speech. Perfect.

Wombatman says he’s in a hurry but tells them to take a studio tour as his special guests. Simon comments on how people like that give real heroes a bad name. Kevin tries to cheer Kid Icarus up by adding that Wombatman is just a TV hero. Kid Icarus is a real hero. Kid Icarus really isn’t buying into it. He tries to tell himself that maybe Wombatman is just having bad day.

Then we get to see Wombatman give heroes a bad name. He’s working for Mother Brain! Well, actually, Mother Brain has captured his girlfriend (gotta hold true to the villain standard) and is holding her captive and forcing Wombatman to help. Mother Brain said that if he got the N-Team here, she’d let his girlfriend Nikki go. Mother Brain slams him across the room and shocks him, saying that he ought to know better than to trust a bad guy. Nikki asks him if he’s okay and he comes across with a line parodied from the Batman movie. “I have a name for my pain, and it’s Mother Brain.” Hey that rhymes! He’s an actor and a poet! Mother Brain leaves him lying on the floor and goes over to her computer panels to watch the N-Team on their little “tour” (It’s a death trap in case you haven’t figured it out.).

Eggplant Wizard throws a switch that calls some small dragon creatures that Kevin easily blows away with his Zapper, and then a robot copy of Dragonlord comes out. It blows fire at them and they jump out of their trap just before it goes over a cliff. King Hippo yells at Eggplant Wizard for messing things up and throws a different switch. This sends a giant robot Donkey Kong after the N-Team. DK starts knocking over a large stack of barrels at them that Kevin takes time to blast away. The Donkey Kong robot gets mad and knocks the whole stack over and the N-Team turn tail and run to the exit.

Mother Brain tosses King Hippo and Eggplant Wizard across the room for messing up again. Wombatman walks over and gives them helpful advice for taking a fall. Mother Brain grabs him as well and dangles him upside down. Mother Brain wants to take out the N-Team once and for all and she wants to do it on Wombatman’s show. Wombatman protests that the show is sacred to Wombatman fans all over Videoland and he won’t do it. A huge evil brain is holding him upside down several feet off the ground by her tentacle and he still objects. That shows you that the show really does mean something to him. Mother Brain makes him a reasonable offer. If Wombatman isn't going to do it for her; he’s going to do it for his girlfriend Nikki. To prove her point, Mother Brain opens the trap door under Nikki's feet and has her dangling above lava by her shackles. That’s enough to convince Wombatman to help out.

Back at Wombatman’s place, Wombatman is coaching Kid Icarus on how to do his patented Wombat Roll. The kid just can’t get it and ends up rolling right into the pool. Wombatman still compliments him. He says that Kid Icarus reminds him of himself when he first started out in the hero biz. Kid Icarus asks Wombatman to show him how to do the roll. Wombatman says he just doesn’t do that stuff anymore. Kid Icarus asks him if he’s afraid and that really riles the masked wombat up. He pounds his fist on the table knocking over his drink and says he’s not afraid of anything, before he storms off leaving the Kid there to wonder what it was that he said.

Back in Mother Brain’s wherever-the-heck-she-is-now, she’s eagerly awaiting her new toy. The N-Team Destructo Black Marble… let that sink in. A huge black marble is her ultimate weapon. Well, at least it’s black and cool-looking. Mother Brain tries it out. The top opens and a huge magnet sucks King Hippo up by his crown. Must have been stuck on him or something. Eggplant Wizard gets a good laugh at his expense before a vacuum comes out and sucks him up, sending vegetables flying everywhere.

Nikki says that her “Womby” isn’t going to let her get away with this. Mother Brain asks how he’s going to stop her. Cue the hero. Wombatman jumps in and kicks Mother Brain’s jar over. Then he shouts his catch phrase. “Wombatman’s heroic hand saves the day wherever he lands” I sure hope that was a really old saying like “look up in the sky!” Otherwise, he seriously needs new writers.

Mother Brain orders her goons to stop him and Hippo comes charging in. Wombatman does his Wombat Roll and kicks Hippo in the face, sending him flying and having a little star appear over his head like in Punch-Out. Then Eggy fires tomatoes at him. Wombatman does a Wonder Woman-ish spin and sends the tomatoes flying back at Eggplant Wizard. He comments, “I had more tomatoes than that thrown at me when I first started acting,” but what’s this? Who is that watching from the shadows and giggling? Mother brain intends to find out. She grabs him with one of her tentacles. It’s Wombatman! (Surprised? Me neither.) She grabs the other Wombatman with her other tentacle and hangs them both upside down in front of her face. She asks which one the real Wombatman is and then blows up the fake. The real one she insults and tosses across the room where he lands right at Nikki’s cage. He apologizes to her in a pathetic sort of way. Nikki says that he tried his best. Mother Brain does her evil "I’m going to kill the N-Team and take control of Videoland!" bit.

The director is going over the next scene with Wombatman and the N-Team. The team is going to help Wombatman beat the alien invaders in this scene. He calls out for his spaceship and King Hippo and Eggplant Wizard come up with the Black Marble. They’re quite cleverly disguised I might add. If you idea of cleverly disguised is a yellow shirt and red cap. Well, since they’re mostly behind the marble, I can forgive the N-Team for not catching them.

The director says this will be his best show ever and yells action. Mother Brain watching from wherever it is she’s watching from, says this will be HER best show ever and throws a switch. Simon wraps his whip around a hovering stoplight and starts to swing towards the Black Marble/spaceship.

The Marble shoots out oil at the light and it causes the whip to come loose and Simon goes crashing down. Megaman runs to catch him and they both end up getting pulled in the magnet.

The director throws a fit. He didn’t call for ad-libbing! But he likes it so it’s okay.

Lana is sucked in the by the vacuum cleaner. Kevin, Duke, and Gameboy wait in a mock sewer waiting fro their cue when they realize what’s going on is real. They rush in to save the day. Kid Icarus is watching all of this from a wombat mask shaped TV. He’s worried but Wombatman tries to tell him that it’s all acting. Just then, Kevin cries out this is for real. As he’s running in, tar is shot out, trapping him and Duke where they stand. When he tries to pull his Zapper, a cord comes out and sucks its energy dry. It does the same for Gameboy. Gameboy shuts down and collapses to the ground. Kevin’s Zapper is out of juice and pulled from his hands. This is one awesome marble here.

The Marble then sends a claw after Kevin. Kid Icarus begs Wombatman to help him save his friends. Wombatman dismisses it saying, “that’s showbiz kid, one minute you’re on top, the next minute you're canceled.” Kid Icarus asks him what kind of hero he is and he says he’s just an actor. The Marble finishes grabbing the members of the team and pulls them all inside it. Wombatman then explains to Kid Icarus what happened. He’s got to help Mother Brain or else Nikki is done for. He pushes the button that sends the marble rolling. Then he tells Kid Icarus that he’s a has been, a never was, a washed up, etc etc. Kid Icarus still has faith in him saying that he’s WOMBATMAN!

Inspired by Kid Icarus' faith in him, Wombatman decides to do something besides sit there on his butt. He pushes another button that raises the Wombat Mobile. Then we get the Wombatman theme, which is basically the old Batman theme except they say “Wo-wo-wo-wo-wo-wombat man wombat man” instead of “Duh duh duh duh Batman.”

Mother Brain sends some monster after the duo but Wombatman is able to beat them off. At least, until the Marble melts part of the road they were driving on leaving a huge gaping hole. The Marble goes though a door that starts to close. Kid Icarus fires an arrow that jams in the door, keeping it open. Kid Icarus tells Wombatman that they need to use his Wombat Roll.

Wombatman tells Kid Icarus that he hasn’t done that stunt in years, but is willing to try. He tosses a rope and starts to swing on it. The door then snaps the arrow and starts to close. Wombatman goes into the roll and Kid Icarus follows suit. They make it in time and go to confront Mother Brain.

Wombatman shots some small missiles from his utility belt, destroying the controls behind Mother Brain, freeing Nikki and the N-Team. While Mother Brain is ranting, Megaman picks her up and the two henchmen grab on to her tentacles. Wombatman pushes a button and Megaman tosses them out the door onto a huge slide. They continue ranting all the way down.

The director comes back up saying that it was wonderful and they were able to catch it all on film. I’m not going to ask how. The director then offers Kid Icarus a job as Wombatman’s sidekick. The squid lady returns and Simon runs away in terror, Wombatman and Nikki are reunited and everybody lives happily until next episode.

A lot of people are divided on their opinions on this episode. On one hand, it’s really not too videogame-ish. It’s more inspired by the old Adam West TV show. Still, whatever you want to say about it, Mother Brain got some serious villainy points here. Kidnapping the girlfriend, forcing the hero to do her dirty work, and beating the N-Team. At the very least, it’s a fair episode. I guess it all depends on how much you like Wombatman.

Featuring
Wombatman
Kid Icarus
Simon Belmont
Kevin Keene/Captain N
Princess Lana
Megaman
Gameboy
Duke
Nikki
King Hippo
Eggplant Wizard
Dragonlord (robot)
Donkey Kong (robot)